It all in the perspective

Ok, this week has been very difficult. Our 16 year old son has so many issues. He has been sexualized at a young age and was taken advantage of by a sexual predator in the high school. He is also bi-polar, ODD, and FASD. Lots of acronyms which means he is pretty messed up. We didn't know to what extent his problems were until after he came to our home. He is one of those broken pieces that fits into our family but he constantly fights against it. He is also one of the biggest challenges that we have faced. It is hardest for me, I am with him 24/7 which drains my energy and patience. This week has been a battle, he has been told repeatedly that he was not to act out sexually in our home because he can not stop once he starts but sadly he has been slipping, and sliding into the abyss and when he thought I wasn't looking went to the bathroom and acted out. With all these problems he becomes angry and defiant and oppositional towards me in particular. Maybe it is because I can sense when he is slipping and I call him on it, maybe it is because somewhere in his mind he feels guilt for breaking a rule or maybe it is just part of the brain damage from the FSAD and the bi-polar that he battles and takes medication for. It is a constant battle for his mind and his spirit. We feel like we have been in a 2 year battle and still feel like we are losing the fight. Especially me, see I am a fighter, I love the quote from Galaxy Quest (One of my favorite movies!) Never give up never surrender. I actually live by that motto even before I had heard of that movie. I don't like to admit defeat, and when it comes to the life and future of a child, one that I have given my heart to and know that God has called his own, I fight that much harder for.
Many people questioned our reasoning for adopting him, knowing just a little of his issues. From their prospective there wasn't much hope for him, he was too old and the behaviors were already ingrained into him. I have to admit to times where we have felt the same frustrations and fears that no matter what we do it won't be enough. Thankfully God's perspective is much different than ours. He sees things so much differently than we do and he has the tenacity to keep trying and trying until we have no choice but to recognize the love he has for each of us. I have had to take off my glasses and try to put on Jesus's glasses and see our son through his eyes. It can be very difficult because we are in the battle field and when bullets and grenades are flying all around you it is hard to see a different perspective and see victory. But when I really do see Jesus and his perception of Jacob than I can see that here is a young man that will one day when he can grasp the enormity of God's love has a future that will change lives. His struggles and difficulties will enable him to help so many young people that are fighting the same or similar battles and are looking for a love that heals all wounds, mends the broken and raises the dead, restoring life. He sees not a broken piece but a wounded soul and he sees the whole beautiful piece of art that is being glued together. There is nothing that God can't restore, nothing that he can't heal if we are willing and open to what he wants to pour out in us.
So yeah it has been a rough week and next week might not be much better and I might still want to give up on occasion but I guess it really is all in the perspective. I can look at him and see failure and resistance or I can see him with the potential that God sees in him and keep fighting the good fight and loving him as only a mother can love a child. If your week or day feels like it was one from hell than I encourage you to put on another pair of glasses and see if it changes your perspective, it may not make it all better but it sure does help hold on and enjoy the ride a little better! Be blessed.